The Cross, the source of mercy
"I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 16:19)
A Guide  ·  Courageous Catholics

How to Go to Confession

A Simple Guide, Especially If It Has Been a While

Everything you need to walk in with confidence: what to expect, what to say, and the exact words to use. If it has been years, this was written for you.

There is a lie that keeps men out of the confessional for years: that you have to clean yourself up before you go, that the priest will think less of you, or that what you have done is simply too much. None of it is true. You go to confession precisely because you cannot clean yourself up on your own.

In the parable, the father sees the prodigal son while he is still a long way off, and he runs to meet him. That is what is waiting for you. The priest sits in the place of Christ, he has heard everything a person can confess, and he is bound by an absolute seal of silence. You cannot shock him, and you have nothing to lose by going.

The seal is absolute. A priest can never, under any circumstance and under the gravest penalty of Church law, reveal anything he hears in confession. What is said in that room stays in that room forever.

The Sacrament

What Confession Is

Confession, which the Church also calls the Sacrament of Reconciliation or Penance, is the way the risen Christ chose to forgive sins through his Church. On Easter night he breathed on the apostles and gave them his own authority: "Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them" (John 20:23). The priest does not forgive by his own power. He speaks the forgiveness of God.

This is far more than a conversation or a fresh start. It is a sacrament, which means it truly does what it signifies. Your sins are really forgiven, your friendship with God is restored, and grace is poured in to help you fight better next time.

The Church asks us to confess any grave (mortal) sin before receiving Communion, and at least once a year. Lighter (venial) sins do not strictly require the sacrament, though bringing them is one of the surest ways to grow. For most men, once a month is a good and steady rhythm.

Beforehand

How to Prepare

Before you go, take a few quiet minutes to look honestly at your life since your last confession. This is called an examination of conscience. Ask the Holy Spirit for light, then look back without excusing yourself and without beating yourself up. The goal is honesty, and honesty before God is always met with mercy.

A simple way is to walk through the two great commandments, love of God and love of neighbor, or the Ten Commandments. A few honest questions:

A Short Examination of Conscience

  1. Toward God: Have I prayed, or crowded God out with work, money, screens, and comfort? Have I missed Sunday Mass through my own fault, or used his name carelessly?
  2. Toward those entrusted to me: Have I loved my wife and children with patience and presence, or with anger, harshness, or neglect? Have I led my household toward God or left it to drift?
  3. Toward others: Have I been honest, just, and fair? Have I lied, gossiped, cheated, or held on to a grudge?
  4. In myself: Have I kept custody of my eyes and my appetites, or given in to lust, drink, or excess? Have I been proud, lazy, or stopped trusting God's mercy?
A word of peace: Do not let the examination turn into anxiety or endless scruples. Name what is real, hand it to God, and let the rest come as it comes. Mercy, not perfection, is the point.

In the Confessional

What to Do and Say

When it is your turn, you may sit face to face with the priest or kneel behind a screen, whichever helps you be honest. Then it is simple. Here is exactly how it goes.

Step by Step

  1. Make the Sign of the Cross with the priest as he welcomes you.
  2. Begin with these words: "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been [say how long] since my last confession."
  3. Tell your sins simply. For serious sins, say what they were and roughly how often. You do not need long explanations or background stories.
  4. Listen. The priest may offer a few words of counsel, and he will give you a penance, usually a short prayer or a small act to do afterward.
  5. Pray an Act of Contrition. He will invite you, and the words are below. If you do not know it, he will help you, or you may say sorry in your own words.
  6. Receive absolution. The priest extends his hand and prays the prayer of forgiveness. You may make the Sign of the Cross as he finishes.
  7. He will send you off, often with "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good." You can answer "His mercy endures forever," or simply "Thanks be to God."

The Prayer

The Act of Contrition

The Act of Contrition  ·  Traditional

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love.

I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen.

Traditional

If the older words are hard to remember, this shorter form, said sincerely, is enough: "My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you. Help me to do penance, to do better, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Amen." And if your mind goes blank in the moment, tell God you are sorry in your own words. He hears the heart.

If It Has Been a While

Coming Back After Years

If it has been five years, or twenty, or longer than you can count, this is the part that matters most. You do not need to remember every sin, recite anything perfectly, or know the choreography. You only need to show up and be honest.

When you sit down, just say it plainly: "Father, it has been many years since my last confession, and I am not sure how to do this." Those words are more than enough. The priest will slow down, walk you through it, and help you make a good confession.

Priests count these among the best moments of their week. You will not be a burden. You will be a homecoming.

Honest Questions

Common Worries, Answered

What if I cannot remember everything? Confess what you honestly remember. The sacrament forgives the sins you have genuinely forgotten, as long as you were not deliberately hiding them. If a serious sin comes back to you later, simply mention it next time.
What if I am embarrassed? The priest has heard every sin imaginable, many times over, and the seal binds him for life. He is not there to judge you. He is there to welcome you back, and he wants you to come.
How often should I go? The Church asks for confession at least once a year for anyone aware of serious sin, and always before receiving Communion in that state. Beyond that, once a month is a tried and proven rhythm for steady growth.
Where and when? Most parishes hear confessions weekly, often on Saturday afternoons, and almost any priest will hear you by appointment. If you are unsure, call the parish office and ask. They will be glad you did.

Afterward

After Confession

When you step out, do the penance the priest gave you, sooner rather than later. Then take a moment to thank God. Your soul is genuinely clean, your debts are genuinely cancelled, and grace is genuinely yours. Whatever you carried in, you do not carry back out.

Then live in that freedom, and come back. Confession is a habit of the strong, the regular turning of a son back toward his Father, and the saints went often. So can you.

Be not afraid. Your Father is already running to meet you.

A note on this guide: This reflects the ordinary teaching and practice of the Catholic Church, and the Act of Contrition above is the traditional prayer. Customs vary a little from place to place, and your own priest is always the best guide. When in doubt, just ask him.